Queequeg: A cozy weekend at a BnB, followed by a cruise. Makes everyone else look bad.

Fitzwilliam Darcy: A vacuum, which he promptly and secretly exchanges for a library of signed first editions of every book you never told him you loved.

Maxim de Winter: A terrible secret that will bind you to him forever. (Someday, he'll get you that new housekeeper you wanted.)

Zeus : Sunblock for Semele. A bale of hay for Io. A totally planned white cow for Hera.

"Mister" Albert : A wild "how we met" story for you and your new wife.

Any Murakami Protagonist: Would have given you a jazz record, but you're not around?

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